Damaged
by yourbubblegumwitch
Summary: Lily and James find the Mirror of Erised on Heads' duties in seventh year. Lily brushes off what she sees in the mirror, making James wonder... what could it be?


Inspired by this graphic: j-l-potters dot tumblr dot com /post/82656224064/you-see-it-too-dont-you

* * *

_L_  
October 1977

James zagged quickly behind Lily, tapping her on the shoulder and sprinting down the deserted corridor. A deep laugh echoed off the walls, and Lily tried to keep up with the long legs in front of her. It was nearly eleven, the castle lit by the orange glow of torches hung on sconces on the walls. She and James had been asked to do patrol together, with the Friday night prefects stuck in bed with a flu that'd made it's way around Hufflepuff. While Lily had initially been disappointed to spend her weekend evening doing Heads' duties, James (like usual) had found a way to have some fun.

"_Locomotor Wibbly!_" shouted Lily, her wand pointed at James down the corridor.

She watched as he wobbled on his legs, then crumpled to the floor with a loud moan of pain. She ran to Potter, still lying on his back on the castle floor, his glasses resting crookedly on top of his eyebrows.

"Nice Jelly-Legs Jinx, Evans," wheezed James from the ground. "Bit of a painful landing... but well done."

Lily shoved her willow wand in her back pocket, then helped James up with both hands. She may have taken their game of tag a bit far, but James didn't look angry. His black hair was sticking up from all sides. He gave her a huge grin when she lifted him from the floor.

"That was great! I haven't been hit with one of those in age-" James' legs gave out again, and he swayed into Lily to catch him.

She laughed, and propped him back up on his feet.

"Alright, try to get _me_ this time!" she shouted, bolting down the corridor ahead of him.

She was giddy as she hid behind a corner, listening for James' stride towards her, but it never came. Worried, she began walking back to where she had left him, her pace quickening as she let her mind churn out possibilities of what could have happened. She called out his name - his first name - and to her relief, he responded back not in pain or distress, but unusually soft-spoken. He was standing in front of an opened door, one that was massive and wooden and not there when she'd run from him. James ruffled the back of his hair and turned to her, a face of surprise.

"I think I found the Room of Requirement," he said, mesmerised again by the door.

Lily didn't mention that she had been there before, though under different circumstances. She remembered fifth year, walking down the corridor with her fists balled up, humiliated that a sixth-year Ravenclaw had stood her up in Hogsmeade. After she'd seen him flirting with another girl in the courtyard, the room had opened up for her with several very breakable dishes and a punching bag.

"What did you need so badly?" said Lily, now curious.

He pointed to a small table for two, inches above it a floating candle. A frothy mug of Butterbeer was set on each side, and a plate of chocolate chip biscuits, freshly baked, were piled in a heap in the middle of the table. It looked like the set-up to a very cozy date, but Lily assumed that James was just hungry. He walked to the table and picked up two biscuits, then, making sure she was watching, shoved them both in his mouth. Lily laughed.

"I guess this _is_ _your_ room right now," she said.

"Deyr rully brudy good," said James, chewing far too much food. He swallowed, looking momentarily embarrassed about what he'd just done. "Have a few, Evans."

She picked up only one, and it was the best biscuit she'd ever tasted.

"Want to see what else is in here?" asked James, already beginning to wander.

The Room was less empty than she'd found it two years ago. It was a hiding place for lots of other students, evidenced by the stacks of random objects, some looking like they'd been there for decades. She watched James touch things with interest, picking up broken wands (most likely stashed in a panic) and half-melted Potions textbooks. Lily's favourite find was a handwritten, and fairly sentimental, book of poetry about Banshees.

They worked their way to the edge of the room, and James dragged a heavy cloth off of... a very old mirror? James stood in front of it, making cocky expressions at his own reflection.

"Looking good!" he said, then cast his gaze lower.

His expression turned to confusion. James reached his left hand, very slightly, towards the empty space beside him. It looked as if he was reaching for another hand that obviously was not there. He turned around, staring at Lily.

"Will you look in the mirror, please?" he said, his voice almost shaky.

Lily nodded and stepped in front of it. What was there to see? It was herself, the same as usual... though this time not alone. A boy with dark hair, his face hidden, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face playfully into the back of her neck. The boy in the mirror spun her around. _No_. He put his hand on her face. _No_. The red haired girl kissed him full-on with no hesitation. _NO_.

Lily whipped around and looked at James. She saw nothing, it was a trick. The mirror must play tricks.

"I'm feeling ill, could you handle the rest of the patrol alone?" she said quickly.

James nodded, and she walked out of the room at twice her normal speed.

* * *

_J_

James had trouble sleeping after his patrol shift the night before. He couldn't get the vision out of his head of what he'd seen in the mirror: Lily squeezing his hand, then letting him pull her towards him and kiss her. She was grinning in the mirror, so happy to see him. Nothing like her frightened face when she'd left the Room of Requirement. What did she see in the mirror? Could she have seen _his_ vision? He decided to go back to the room, or try, anyway. He needed to make sure he didn't imagine it. If things were going to get awkward between them, James at least wanted to know why.

He told Sirius, Peter, and Remus that he was off the castle's kitchen, and promised to bring them back an armful of snacks. He was counting on their laziness, each half-sleep or hanging off the bed with a book, to not ask to come with him. Sirius had barked out an order as he left to bring back more pumpkin juice.

James walked in front of stone wall where the door had last been. _I need to see Lily_, he thought, and to his amazement, a simple wooden door appeared and swung itself open. He entered it, knowing just where to find the mirror, but when he walked to the back of the room, someone was already there.

He let his knuckles drag on a table with boxes, making enough noise to alert her that she wasn't alone. Lily spun around, the same shocked look on her face as the night before, though this time she was crying.

"Lily..." he started, unsure of what to say. Her body language said _stay away_.

"It's you," she said, though she didn't mean him in front of her.

Lily pointed to the mirror. From the angle he was standing, all James could see was Lily's turned reflection as she spoke to him, but she insisted he look.

"What do you see?" she asked, pacing around him, biting her nails.

"I see you," he said.

Lily exhaled loudly. That didn't seem to be the answer she wanted to hear.

"What do you see _exactly_?" she clarified.

The vision in the mirror had changed somewhat since he'd last seen it. Lily was no longer joyfully taking his hand - she was as she was now, upset, but letting him take her in his arms. In the mirror, James threaded his fingers through her red hair, holding her head protectively with one hand, and pulling her into an embrace with the other. He knew it was a fantasy, because the Lily _here_ would never want that. Or really, ever need that. But he wanted to tell the truth.

"Last night, in the mirror, you let me kiss you," he said, breaking it to her gently.

She looked at the ground and nodded solemnly, and James felt his stomach drop. He couldn't be the brave one now, not this exposed. He was going to take the coward's way out, about to tell her he was too humiliated to stay, when Lily took several steps towards him.

"Have you ever researched what the mirror actually _does_?" she said.

James hadn't. It hadn't even crossed his mind to tell someone what they'd found, never mind that it was written in a book. The whole experience had felt too personal.

"'Your heart's deepest desire,' that's what it said. It's not a trick or fortune teller, it's _what you want most_," said Lily. "I see you and me. It's the same thing, over and over, and I can't stop seeing it when I look in that mirror!"

She sounded so frustrated that he couldn't accept it as a good thing. The mirror wasn't Divination, it was a truth teller, but Lily didn't want what she saw.

"Can you come here a second?" she said in the same irritated tone.

James walked closer to her, and she put her hands on his face, stroked one of his cheeks, and snogged him.


End file.
